Life – it is in each and every one of us. A subject so broad, it is approachable from every perspective. Indeed, it is hard to define what life means to an individual. It will make you stop and think. What is life truly to you?

I believe there is a good reason when life was bestowed on us. Life is a long, great journey, like the train you hop onto every morning, just only it’s a train that you’ll never get off until you’ve reached the very end.

Along life’s journey, we stop sometimes to make decisions. To differentiate a wrong from a right, if we should go this way or that. We make decisions everyday of our lives, so frequently, so easily even, that we have become oblivious to the choices we make.

And how about those people who get onto the same train at some point of time to guide us through the journey? Our loved ones – families and friends. Of course, they will not stay long on the train with us, but yet if you are lucky enough, a few will remain to be with you the rest of your life.

To me, life is about being who you truly are. It’s about looking inside you and finding yourself. That’s what I want to do with my life.

         I would like to take this time off my busy schedule to write this tribute to one of my friends for being so friendly.

         I thought u would change but u didn't. I thought u knew me well but I was wrong and I didn’t know that all along u were hiding that fucked truth about you. U might blame me for not accepting who u are but the fact is that it takes time and hiding it won’t get u anywhere. Other people dun see it but i do and sooner or later, they will see that true character of who u really are and what an asshole u are for hiding the truth from people.

         If u think results is everything, lets see how many friends u will have to turn too when u are all alone. Lets see. None? I'm not surprised. And if u think that life is all about competition and winning your friends well nobody will stop u, I won't. I have done my part by telling u lots and lots of time that what u are doing is wrong and I feel I have done enough.

         If u think I’m not talking to u because u didn’t invite me to help in the chalet well u are so fucking wrong. I'm not as childish as your fucking mindset and I wont even care about what u think and whether u are in danger or not. Why? Because u have let your fucking ego overrun your fucking character. Look at how unhappy I was that I got an A2 for emaths in prelim. And what did u say to me? Did u even say its ok, I believe u will do well next time? Were u the one I expected to console me? Yes. But who was the one that console me instead? It was my sweet friend. The words that u said to me were not just showing me your competition attitude but they hurt me a lot and all that is left of me is anger towards u. I just cannot face up the fact that my "close friend" was mocking me instead.of consoling me.

         And u think I have been ignoring u while I have a girlfriend? The fact is I haven’t. It was you that assumes I was busy which I wasn’t thus it was u who was drifting apart from me. If u think I enjoy u drifting apart from me, then I think u are really childish and I will feel that I was wrong about u knowing me well and I see no purpose in us even being friends.

         I'm so hurt by u that I can no longer see u as a friend and all I see in u is nothing but hatred. After all that we have been through, if u still see me as a rival and thinking that winning me in anything I do is fun to u, go ahead. I wont stop u but just fuck out of my life. I dun need such a friend.

         I went out to play soccer thinking the fact that it could make me forget about the whole incident but it just keeps replaying in my head. Mdm Lim told me that she was crying in class partially because of me. My heart sank all the way down. I kept bombarding myself with questions the whole day. Luke what have you done to this girl? Is she gonna do something silly? What if she threatens to jump off the building? Why didn't i heed the advice to totally ignore her? Why did i get myself implicated to this? Why did I do to deserve this shit? I came back home feeling so lost. I just don't know what to do... Ignore her? What if she really jump off?

         I was so pissed with the situation that in soccer i was ramming the ball most of the times knowing the fact my friends could get hurt. I just... Argh.. I don't know what to do with her... Sigh.. . I really have no intention of ruining her life. I really don't. Its just that sometimes you can't force me to like a particular person whom i really am not looking for. Why can't she stop bothering me? If ending my life can stop her from bothering me i would do it but what about the loved ones whom care so much for me?

This is my silent cry.

         Came back from school at 6 plus. I was suffering from gastric the whole day. I kept eating all my meals yet the pain still comes and it really pisses me off. I was so angry with myself as the pain was around when i came home. I started blaming my mum again for giving birth to me and the sufferings she brought me including this pain in me. I couldn't take it so i went for a run.

         I kept running and running. It felt like a never ending road. It reminds me of the road that is covered with darkness up ahead that only lights up when i walk past it as i think about my future. As i ran, i started to think about the times i suffer this pain without you. Without hesitation, I just carried on running even with my injuries holding me back. I needed to cool down. I really need that run.

         The pain doesn't stop. Each time the pain is so severe, i could feel a hole in my stomach. I stopped my running as i needed to get back home for tuition. I skipped dinner as i totally lost my appeitite to eat anything. I just wonder how long i am going to last from this agony. No doctors can help me. So who else can i depend on. I wonder...

         I have a new blog and i wanted to post this on it but i dun feel like posting such a negative post on it esp when its the first post. Really sorry. I just came back from the clinic and I felt that all hope is gone. My eyes are begining to blur as i typed each words here and my throat gets dry by the second i quench my thirst. I'm sick of getting the worse pain gastric can cause me and going all the way down to the clinic to get a freaking jab that causes all the side effects as i have mention above. I'm sick of just killing the pain for a time being and after awhile the pain comes back. When will i get cured? I asked the doctor. Once again he named me the possibility factors that could cause this pain namely : environment, stress, the food i eat, the timing of the food that goes into my mouth ...etc. I'm just so sick of hearing the same old shit. The doctor even mentioned this jab is not good for my muscle if i am coming in here for a long term.

         So how i asked him. He told me theres no long term solution to my problem. He also mentioned that life is about quality and i felt like breaking down as i asked myself .So whats the quality of my life? Sometimes i even see no purpose in living this wretched life of mine. I just feel so useless that i have to depend on medication every single day. But what can i do about it? Nothing? Then why should i live on this life? I really pity myself... Haiz...

         Third term starts few hours ago and yes its already hell for me. I was trying to sleep at 11pm but I couldn't sleep so i just watch the first half of England's match. Came back and thought i could sleep but was flipping around till 12.30 till i received a msg saying Beckham scored. Next thing i knew it was 6.30am. I woke up feeling all tired and moodless to come. I just didn't want to go to school.

         Dragged myself to school with the useless leg of mine. The thing is i eat little for breakfast. And next thing i knew, gastric comes in the morning lessons. I'm just so sick of it. I tried to get rid of the pain by laughing at the jokes that me and kuo fung were saying about heng sin but it just didnt work. Recess came and i just had no appetite to eat anything. I knew gastric was gonna attack me for sure but yet i just had a bottle of green tea.

         Recess was over but the pain wasn't. I just kept all quiet, trying to withstand this pain of mine. I knew i wasn't alone but this pain could kill. I wondered how i survive that long with this shit. Soon lunch came and i hurried to the market to grab lunch. Its tough hiding this pain from my expressions. I just don't want you guys to worry about me. I was done with lunch yet i could feel the pain still in me and it didnt stop until i pop in my medication and it came back 15 mins later...

         Came back home and this pain is still around. I saw dinner on the table but just lost my appeitite to eat. I was like Mummy I don't feel like eating. I just felt so sick and the pain is so agonising and i wondered how am i gonna go through the same shit every single school day. Argh, i just wish i wasn't born...

      Yup. The night is all silent now. It seems like everything has come to a standstill. The cats around the neighbourhood tries to get warmth from this ever chilling night. The birds stop chirping and return to their nest. The street lights stand alone in the streets accompanying the darkness in the skies. It seemed so peaceful. This atmosphere is unique to its environment. I enjoy the peaceful night after a busy day facing the bustling city and nothing but a more advanced technology as you wake up each day wondering when the city will stop.

      The world is moving faster each day as you hear the clock that ticks and sometimes we really wish it could just stop moving. Its already the 4th week of the holidays. A really fast one. I've been trying to finish up my homework and at the same time staying healthy and also trying my best to enjoy the last remaining days of my holiday. I wish term 3 never comes. I just don't know what is gonna happen. I am sure we are gonna be really busy and i don't wish to compromise my friends with my workload too. They mean alot to me especially the ones that are really special =)

      Oh well. I can't stop time from now. I wished i had this gadget where i can stop time and do things that i enjoy. Prof Luke is currently doing lots of research on this one. Might take years to accomplish this invention. He tells me he needs a long period of time. Yup so give him your full support if he needs help. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the holidays too. Spend time with your loved ones and friends before we go back to the busy life of school which sucks big time. In the mean time, i found this amazing song and i want to dedicate it to Revloc although i do not know your true identity =) Check out and enjoy the song.

Breaking Free - High School Musical Cast

Troy:
We're soarin', flyin'
There's not a star in heaven
That we can't reach

Gabriella:
If we're trying
So we're breaking free

Troy:
You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are

Gabriella:
Creating space between us
'Til we're separate hearts

Both:
But your faith it gives me strength
Strength to believe

Chorus #1
Troy:
We're breakin' free
Gabriella:
We're soarin'
Troy:
Flyin'
Both:
There's not a star in heaven
That we can't reach
Troy:
If we're trying
Both:
Yeah, we're breaking free
Troy:
Oh, we're breakin' free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh
Troy:
Can you feel it building
Like a wave the ocean just can't control
Gabriella:
Connected by a feeling
Ohhh, in our very souls
Both:
Rising 'til it lifts us up
So every one can see

Chorus #2
Troy: We're breakin' free
Gabriella: We're soarin'
Troy: Flyin'
Both:
There's not a star in heaven
That we can't reach
Troy:
If we're trying
Yeah we're breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh runnin'
Troy:
Climbin'
To get to that place
Both:
To be all that we can be
Troy:
Now's the time
Both:
So we're breaking free
Troy:
We're breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhh , yeah

Troy:
More than hope
More than faith
Gabriella:
This is true
This is fate
And together

Both:
We see it comin'
Troy:
More than you
More than me

Gabriella:
Not a want, but a need
Both:
Both of us breakin' free

Chorus #3
Gabriella: Soarin'
Troy: Flyin'
Both:
There's not a star in heaven
That we can't reach
If we're trying
Troy: Yeah we're breaking free
Gabriella:
Breaking free
Were runnin'
Troy:
Ohhhh, climbin'
Both:
To get to the place
To be all that we can be
Now's the time
Troy: Now's the time
Gabriella: So we're breaking free
Troy: Ohhh, we're breaking free
Gabriella: Ohhhh

Both:
You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are

      Ok i shall end here before i get scolding let me check the time its... DIE ITS 1.30AM. I gotta sleep. See ya guys around... btw  Zhao An Ni Hao.

- LukeSigningOFF -

      Its already the 3rd week. Everyone wish that theres more time to spare for themselves. Oh well. Term 3 is starting and its gonna be a big rush for all students taking Os. Well, today i went for the NUS physics open house. Apparantly the talk was interesting about NanoScience. Learn quite alot about Quantum physics too. Interesting era we are now in. Next was the airlift by 7 schools and some of the projectiles were hilarious. I remembered Indian Airlines and Budget Airlines Hahas... And NUS high with their nuclear lookalike weapon projectile. The next creators of war are in that school. Guys beware of them...

      The rest of the day went ok. And i figured out i need rest after staying up late to watch soccer. World cup is killing me. Down with this cough. Its like on and off. Maybe i should go and see a doctor. Will consider it strongly =)). I cant wait for my birthday. I really can't think of any innovative ideas to celebrate it. Want it to be a meaningful one this year though. Please contribute if u have any? And i can't wait for my presents X))

      Gotta finish up some homework. Will blog some other time but before i sign off, heres a another lyrics by Jesse Mccartney. The song is ok but the lyrics are super meaningful. It somehow has a connection to my remedy. =)

 - Luke SigningOFF -

Because you live - Jesse Mccartney

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[You live]
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl[Cuz you live]
My world[my world] has everything I need to survive
Because you live... I live I live...

Was listening to one my friend's ipod and found this nice song. And i realised the lyrics had a connection to my soul. Enjoy...

Where'd you go? - Fort Minor

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

      Today is the 6/6/06... Got a msg at 12.06 saying : Happy 6/6/06... Hahas.. Whats there to be happy on this date? Seems like a bad omen according to the old wives tale... It seems like the number 6 has got something to do with the devil but oh well... Its a myth anyway... But things started to really turn nasty when i woke up at 10.37am this morning realising that today's plans has gone haywire. I was rather unhappy with one of my friends whom chose to watch one of his performance with some other friends on this date but turn out he got other plans and he just cancelled our screening this morning. I wasn't too happy about it. I was actually looking out for this since the day you told me about it. Hope this doesnt happen again this coming thursday or i will seriously give u a good scolding.

      Was taking my medication the one thats really bitter and i have to drink it. I had to make it my own today as my granny seem really blur and my mum has gone to work leaving only me to D.I.Y... It seemed really bitter today. And I can't explain it. The only explanation that seems a possible is that i miss the times when u really supported me while i drank the bitter medication. And i am really touched by it. Thanks for everything. Really.

      June holidays are here and i havent got a clue what to do. I know i have to brush up on my amaths and at the same time do revision for the rest of my topics but i really wanted to just slack. World cup is coming in 4 days time. Can't wait for it. Have u place your bets? Hahas. I have placed mine but like what i said: this will be the last and final time i bet on soccer. I know you do not want me to be an addictive gambler and i respect that. Its a promise.

      Hope the rest of the day go well. Will update my blog soon. Can't wait for sunday's sentosa trip. Gonna make you wet hahas... =)) See you guys around ya? Take care and enjoy the holidays.